Friday, 18 November 2016

Learning to juggle...

I really must learn to juggle, and by that I don’t mean so I can join a circus, more so I can run the circus that is my life a little better.

Although being at college has been the happiest time of my life it has also been the busiest. Although I haven’t had as many hours of lectures as you would expect at University I tend to fill every other waking moment with other things. I am on two society committees both of which have a weekly meeting, at least one event every week and planning and organising to be done in the mean-time. I also jump at almost every opportunity I am given, partly because I understand the importance of seizing every moment in life but also because I hate letting people down. I am not suggesting I should be praised for how I live such a busy life. I bring it upon myself and I really wouldn’t have it any other way. I dive head first into everything I do before I realise I am drowning a little bit!

Although this life at college keeps me occupied, meeting new people and trying new things it can often snowball rapidly and cause me to become quite stressed. Stress for me is something that gets me into a rut. I get stressed because I have lots to do, be that assignments, society stuff or just mundane tasks. When I am stressed I become incapable of doing anything and tend to procrastinate which just adds to my stress as I am getting nothing done to reduce the amount I have on my plate that caused the stress in the first place. Although I know that the cycle happens to me I find it hard to overcome until I am anything from a few days to a few weeks into high levels of stress. I also find when I am stressed I become quite anxious, about anything and everything. I also have recently started getting social anxiety, although I have never been a fan of big groups of people in the past year and a half I have had to leave these situations more often than not because of a feeling of panic that consumes me in the moment.

I have noticed in the most recent stint of stress I have been stuck in there were a number of factors, what seemed like a mountain of assignments that I couldn’t even look at, pressure from myself to make sure the society I am chairperson of is maintaining its success from last year and lastly feeling unhappy in myself because of my lack of effort to work out and keep fit. Although I could say I just simply don’t have time to workout I know that isn’t true. 24 hours in a day there is 30 minutes somewhere in there for a workout. I was really good about making this time at the beginning of my first year of college but as my schedule got busier I got lazier. When I don’t workout I am more tired, more likely to get colds, eat less healthy and drink less water, my mind is cluttered and I feel like I’ve stepped into a slower moving, uncomfortable body that I keep hoping isn’t mine.

I keep on top of my schedule and I am very good about writing lists and planning my week but the only things that get done seem to be the things that other people are relying on me for, not the things I am doing for me. I need to take more time for me to do what I need to get done, assignments, workout and just time to look after myself to stop these all too frequent ruts of stress and anxiety. There was no better cure last night than a freezing night walk to capture Dublin by night!

I even decided last weekend that I would book a fashion shoot of me for my blog for mid December to motivate myself. I really thought it would give me the kick I needed to get myself back in shape and feeling better mentally, physically and emotionally but a week has passed and I haven’t done anything differently. I’m not sure how I can write a blog post on body confidence and body positivity when I do not feel it at the moment. Writing all this down here will help me I think to hold myself accountable and if I’m not in the right head space in a few weeks when I want to post about body confidence I won’t because I’d be lying to myself.

I need to learn to say no to people when I am feeling overwhelmed.

Make time for me and get shit (Sorry mammy) done!

Take a step back if I need to, give myself a chance to recharge.

Don’t be so hard on myself, life isn’t perfect so everything I don can’t be either.

Back to this level of happy please!

I am a creative person and I am quick to volunteer myself for so many different things when a light bulb lights up in my head and I have an idea I want to run with. As I said to my friends mum once, my brain as was hers is a string of fairy lights and just one single light bulb that lights up!


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